Summer

Well it has been almost 4 months since John has passed.  We just finished the major all-stars in Yuma which was and emotional journey.  The boys finished 2nd out of 10 teams and had to fight and struggle their way back from the losers bracket.  the reason for the emotion was that John was supposed to be there with the the boys and I believe he was.  Mikey pitched a no hitter and hit a 3 run homer on his dads birthday and Matt went back on a ball at the fence and continued to hit.  MAtt Shaw had a card with John's picture on it the whole tourney.  It meant a great deal to me to see just how much those kids loved my husband.

As for Lexi she has continued to work for the summer and will start Cross Country and Cheer this fall. 

The older kids Jenni, Josh, and Jessi have been a constant source os support for me along with my parents, John's family and my friends,

I have moved into a new home with lots of space for the kids so it has been great the old memories of the house are often overwhelming for me so I believe the move was good.  John would have been happy here. 

I am moving on although very difficult at times.  I miss the laughter and the human touch.  He just had away of making us laugh and being alone quite honestly sucks.  Even though I have an incredible support network I still feel empty and as if I have been punched in the stomach.  This will pass.

I worry for my children and only hope I can be as strong for me and that I can be as strong as he was. 

1 month

Well we are at a month tomorrow.  It still seems unreal however I am a realist and I quickly realize the enormity of the situation.  Funny going through it we all of the family had hope that came from John.  I miss him so as do my kids we are coping and when I say I'm fine it means I'm coping the best I am able.  The kids have been angry especially Mike not having him(john) on the the field and at home has been difficult.  Speaking of the field watching his team gather on the mound and scratch John's initials in at every game is tough to watch however the love I feel for all of those children to remember my husband will not soon be forgotten. 

CANCER sucks I hear the word and become angry.  Anger is where I am now.  This will pass.


Just rambeling now Goodnight!

Finding our way

Well it has been 2 weeks it's quiet and we are trying to get back to normal although we will never be normal again.  The feelings come and go  often and often manifest at inopportune times.  The kids go through phases andthis week is anger.  Their anger is of course directed at me so I try not to take it personally. We celebrated Lexi's 16th birthday and it seemed hollow without him although I'm sure he was watching smiling down and he will be with her when she takes her driving test on Thursday. 
The boys played with the 13 year olds this weekend and they hit great if you ask one of John's Friends who was umpiring he said he felt John on the field helping them.  Mike was 3 for 3 on Sunday and Matt 2 for 3 I was very proud.

Finally, I am on a mission the mission gets bigger everyday to get medical practioners to pay attention to their patient's histories and not let things go.  I get more angry that not one of John's Doctors evn thought the cancer could come back.  It makes me believe that people do not understand the magnitude of this disease and how quickly it moves and destroys.  This is my mission and those of you who know me understand that I am not a quitter.  I am just getting my plan together so that this can't happen to another person as John wanted.  If you want to continue to watch this I will be posting my progress.

Thank you for all your continued support!!!

Sadness

Today it finally happened my husband finally lost his couragous battle with cancer.  Watching someone battle this monster is heartbreaking.  I have to thank Frannie, Mary, and Cheryl Webb for being with making sure my husband was clean and taken care of.  They helped him die with dignity.  So many people have helped along the way and I will thank you all however tonight I am tired and need to sleep.  The boys have opening ceremonies tomorrow where they will throw out the opening pitch.  John was going to do this and was so looking forward to it.  Now the boys will take his place.  He really loved all of you and fought to the very end.  We are looking to have services mid week I will post later.  Goodnight and thank you for all your love.

Quiet

The quiet is stiffeling however I know we are not alone.   The arrangements have been made  and the plot has been bought all thing I thought I would never do!  I am angry and upset however I must move in a positive direction.

There will be a viewing at Sutton funeral home from 5to 7 on tuesday.
The funeral will be at Lee Williams High School on Wednsday at 1:00 and a graveside service to follow and then a big ass party at the Elks which is what my husband wanted.  For now Good night it will be busy this next week.

Friday

Still Fighting however will be going home soon.  Please keep us in your prayers.

Wednesday

Life is so Delicate.  John is resting comfortably and has been surrounded by family and friends.  This has been a truly humbling experience to see my children and the love they have for their father and his friends and the outpouring of support.  He is resting and peaceful and there doesn't seem to be any pain so for now we comfort.  Please take a minute and grab your family and hug them and tell them they are loved. John always did.  Family and friends always knew they were loved.

Heavy Heart

I come to you all with a heavy heart.  After John doing so well to fight and the zelboraf helping clear the cancer in John's body it seems the brain just had a few to many lesions that have left him not able to care for himself.  We have brought him home and placed him in hospice in our home.  He seems so much more relaxed.  We also had to explain the harsh reality to our children that their father is very ill and will not be here long and hopefully not have to suffer.  Sometimes when life seems the bleakest there comes a light.  He was able to see one more game, lexi run a race, see all his friends and tell them he loved them, Jenni's baby girl, Josh's first son and Jessica graduate from college and finally cuddle with his wife which might have been for the last time. 

This will be a difficult time for all of us. 

Escape Artist

Just got off the phone with Anne.  They tried to do an MRI of his brain today.  They sedated him and had him tucked in pretty tight, but some how he managed to get himself out of the tube.  The nurses have no idea how he did it.  So unfortunately, no tests were successfully performed today.  We are hoping they try again tomorrow.  They will also do the EEG tomorrow.  He is still very disoriented and somewhat combative.  He didn't know who Anne or any of us kids were, or that it was the boys birthday today.  Please pray that they find out what is going on, because so far, they have no explanation.  Please also keep Anne in your prayers.  She is doing such an amazing job taking care of our dad, but it is definitely taking its toll.  She really is amazing.  She has a few of our Aunts up there with her, so tonight, hopefully she will be able to get some rest.  Again, I will post as soon as I have updates.  Good Night.

Nothing to report

We didn't forget about updating.  There is nothing new to report.  Waiting on tests to come back.  He was sedated most of the day, so that he could rest.  Hopefully we will have some news tomorrow.  Have a great night and keep him in your prayers. 

Update

Just spoke with Anne.  The neuro surgeon said, she didn't see any sort of bleed, and even if there was, it was minor and she wouldn't operate, due to his brain just going through radiation.  She said the swelling wasn't severe either.  They will meet with the neurologist later today to see what she thinks may be altering his state of mind.  They are going to do an EEG, to see if he may be having seizures.  His cancer doctor(Dr. Samlowski) and his radio oncologist will review the MRI they will be doing today and then come up with a plan of treatment.  They are giving him steroids to help the swelling go down in his brain.  I am just kind of rambling, trying to remember everything.  I hope this makes sense.  As soon as I hear more, I will post it on here.  If you have any questions, just post in the comments and I will answer them for you.  Please just keep praying for him.

Speed Bump

This is John's daughter posting.  I told Anne I would do an update for her.  My Dad was feeling weird and weak today.  In more pain then normal, also.  This evening he became more weak and disoriented.  They decided to take him to the ER.  After some tests, it was revealed that he had some swelling on the brain, so he was air lifted, once again, to Sunrise Hospital in Vegas.  Anne and Aunt Fran went down to be with him tonight.  As soon as we have more information, we will post it on here.  As long as things go as planned, we will still be having the twins birthday party at the bowling alley on Saturday.  Please keep our family in your prayers.  Will update as soon as we hear something.

Tuesday

I know I haven't posted however we haven't had alot of news.  It looks like the MRI doesn't show much of a change so we will meet with the radio oncologist on Friday.  We'll see We will also meet with Doctor on Friday all of which are on the boys birthday.  It looks like the blood work has improved however we will not know everything until Friday.  I am back at work hoping that this will bring John even more independence.  Please say a prayer for us something has to improve at some point.  He is to good for it not.  Good night.

Sunday

Nice weekend was feeling a little under the weather so did not have time to post.  John had his MRI yesterday and it went well.  He was relaxed so it made it a bit easier then is being a cloudy cool day we stayed in and took naps.  All of us Kids included.  We will get details when we see the doctor on Friday.  He has been feeling well and has his eyes on opening baseball cermonies.  The boys turn 11 this week and I am returning to work so it will be a busy week.  I believe going back to work will allow John to become even more independent.  Here is John wearing his lucky shirt hopefully it did the trick!!!!

Friday

John had a noneventful day!  He has his MRI in the morning so please pray that the brain is stable and amh lesions that were there are gone.  Not feeling well myself tonight hopfully it is nothing...

This article brought John to tears.  It has been an emotion filled day.  He has been sneezing and sneezing.  Once again john is overcome by the graciousness of the community.  Kingman is such a great community and the spirit with which you have rallied behind our family
is  amazing.  Thank you Thank you!!!!!!

Golf tourney's success is like a scene from a movie

JC AMBERLYN/Miner John and Anne Bathauer smile during the John Bathauer charity golf classic Saturday at Cerbat Cliffs Golf Course. The event raised $35,000 for the Bathauer family as John is battling an aggressive form of melanoma cancer. Rodney Haas Miner Sports Reporter KINGMAN - Forgive John Bathauer if he feels a bit like George Bailey from the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life." And forgive him if Kingman feels like Bedford Falls to him after the success of the John Bathauer charity golf tournament, put on by the Kingman Firefighters Association Saturday at Cerbat Cliffs Golf Course. With 42 teams and 168 players playing, the firefighters association had hoped to raise $15,000 for the Bathauer family as John is currently battling an aggressive form of melanoma skin cancer. But as the tournament continued and the money was being counted from donations from local businesses, a raffle and the tournament itself, the amount started to climb, reaching $20,000 while the tournament was still being played and peaking at just over $35,000. But what happened after the tournament concluded was a scene straight out of "It's a Wonderful Life." Players donated their prize money back to the Bathauer family, just as the people of Bedford Falls gave what money they had to help Bailey when they found out that George was in trouble. "For me, it did bring those thoughts," said Kingman High Athletic Director Tim Casson, who played in the tournament. "Standing out there when they were doing the prizes and awards, and the tournament winners were saying, 'Here take our tournament winnings and donate that too.' It did bring that to mind." The tournament was just one of many fundraisers that have been put on to help John and his family with the various expenses that have come up since John was first diagnosed back in January and will continue to come up as he moves forward with his treatment. "What happened on Saturday was amazing," John's wife Anne said. "How did this small community raise $35,000 for a family? John says, 'Anyone who bags on Kingman, I-40 is right there and you can get on it.' Because what the community has done this weekend and what they have done is just amazing." The success of the tournament has also sparked conversations about turning the John Bathauer Classic into an annual event to help raise money for a family or families in Kingman battling cancer. And as for John, he has a goal of playing an even bigger part in the tournament next year. "I was told that John's plans are to do this next year and he wants to play in it," said Tom Flanagan of the Kingman Firefighters Association. "If that's his plans then I will put together the best tournament possible." While next year is a long ways away, the focus on Saturday was John and his family as par scores took a back seat to the money being raised. And as Bailey discovered his true worth to Bedford Falls, so has John and Anne to Kingman through their 20 plus years of service with John's dedication to youth sports and Anne's coaching. On Saturday, the community had an opportunity to show how thankful it is. "That's what John said. If you get involved with the community, the community will pay you back," Anne said. "If something happens, the community will pay you back. So get involved with your community." Want to help? The family has set up an account for John Bathauer at National Bank of Arizona, 3825 Stockton Hill Road, 2605 E. Andy Devine Ave., and at 4263 Highway 68, Suite A in Golden Valley. Folks who want to set up a fundraiser can contact the Bathauer family at abathauer1@gmail.com

Went on an adventure today and had a great time.  I like going to Laughlin with John now because when I ask him to cash out he listens.  Im sure this will not last.  I was just excited he wanted to go.  He just wanted to get away from the hostpitals and appontments.  He was also feeling good.  For those of you wondering if he won, yes he did.  He is always a winner no matter what the odds:)

Tuesday

Boredom sets in.  John says, Why am I sitting here day after day I am wasting my time.  I have been waiting for this.  I think I hit it 3 weeks ago. He had physical therapy and is back to speech so he is already in bed at 8:00.  He has really enjoyed all his visits with everyone.  Trying very hard to stay focused and positive however doubts creep in.  Just want him better now and patience has never been my strong point.  We have spoken about either heasing to laughlin tomorrow or playing dice and cards hopefully he has a good night.  He has been sleeping well.  Good night...

Monday

Down to 1 mg steroid so he has a low grade temp.  He had a great day with lots of visits.  Seeing him happy helps me to focus on the positves.  Anyone who wants a shirt from this weekend have should get ahold of Fran or facebook me and let me know.  John will have his MRI on Saturday may the luck of the Irish be with him and may the lesions be gone after whole brain radiation.  Please keep praying. 

Pictures

Thanks again for a great day.   We are still recovering.