1 month

Well we are at a month tomorrow.  It still seems unreal however I am a realist and I quickly realize the enormity of the situation.  Funny going through it we all of the family had hope that came from John.  I miss him so as do my kids we are coping and when I say I'm fine it means I'm coping the best I am able.  The kids have been angry especially Mike not having him(john) on the the field and at home has been difficult.  Speaking of the field watching his team gather on the mound and scratch John's initials in at every game is tough to watch however the love I feel for all of those children to remember my husband will not soon be forgotten. 

CANCER sucks I hear the word and become angry.  Anger is where I am now.  This will pass.


Just rambeling now Goodnight!

Finding our way

Well it has been 2 weeks it's quiet and we are trying to get back to normal although we will never be normal again.  The feelings come and go  often and often manifest at inopportune times.  The kids go through phases andthis week is anger.  Their anger is of course directed at me so I try not to take it personally. We celebrated Lexi's 16th birthday and it seemed hollow without him although I'm sure he was watching smiling down and he will be with her when she takes her driving test on Thursday. 
The boys played with the 13 year olds this weekend and they hit great if you ask one of John's Friends who was umpiring he said he felt John on the field helping them.  Mike was 3 for 3 on Sunday and Matt 2 for 3 I was very proud.

Finally, I am on a mission the mission gets bigger everyday to get medical practioners to pay attention to their patient's histories and not let things go.  I get more angry that not one of John's Doctors evn thought the cancer could come back.  It makes me believe that people do not understand the magnitude of this disease and how quickly it moves and destroys.  This is my mission and those of you who know me understand that I am not a quitter.  I am just getting my plan together so that this can't happen to another person as John wanted.  If you want to continue to watch this I will be posting my progress.

Thank you for all your continued support!!!

Sadness

Today it finally happened my husband finally lost his couragous battle with cancer.  Watching someone battle this monster is heartbreaking.  I have to thank Frannie, Mary, and Cheryl Webb for being with making sure my husband was clean and taken care of.  They helped him die with dignity.  So many people have helped along the way and I will thank you all however tonight I am tired and need to sleep.  The boys have opening ceremonies tomorrow where they will throw out the opening pitch.  John was going to do this and was so looking forward to it.  Now the boys will take his place.  He really loved all of you and fought to the very end.  We are looking to have services mid week I will post later.  Goodnight and thank you for all your love.

Quiet

The quiet is stiffeling however I know we are not alone.   The arrangements have been made  and the plot has been bought all thing I thought I would never do!  I am angry and upset however I must move in a positive direction.

There will be a viewing at Sutton funeral home from 5to 7 on tuesday.
The funeral will be at Lee Williams High School on Wednsday at 1:00 and a graveside service to follow and then a big ass party at the Elks which is what my husband wanted.  For now Good night it will be busy this next week.

Friday

Still Fighting however will be going home soon.  Please keep us in your prayers.

Wednesday

Life is so Delicate.  John is resting comfortably and has been surrounded by family and friends.  This has been a truly humbling experience to see my children and the love they have for their father and his friends and the outpouring of support.  He is resting and peaceful and there doesn't seem to be any pain so for now we comfort.  Please take a minute and grab your family and hug them and tell them they are loved. John always did.  Family and friends always knew they were loved.

Heavy Heart

I come to you all with a heavy heart.  After John doing so well to fight and the zelboraf helping clear the cancer in John's body it seems the brain just had a few to many lesions that have left him not able to care for himself.  We have brought him home and placed him in hospice in our home.  He seems so much more relaxed.  We also had to explain the harsh reality to our children that their father is very ill and will not be here long and hopefully not have to suffer.  Sometimes when life seems the bleakest there comes a light.  He was able to see one more game, lexi run a race, see all his friends and tell them he loved them, Jenni's baby girl, Josh's first son and Jessica graduate from college and finally cuddle with his wife which might have been for the last time. 

This will be a difficult time for all of us.